Wacky Tales Of The Investigation Team
by The Sage of 10000 Games
Summary: Note: These are a short collection of random stories that are meant to be funny. With that being said, there will be cursing, and a lot of sex. (These will also be mostly centered on Yu and Naoto by the way) Now, read on as Yu Narukami, The Pimp of Pimps, The King of Kings, Sugar Daddy of Sugar Daddies, shares his tales of Inaba with us...
1. Chapter 1

**This right here has been a while coming. I've always wanted to do a crack fic. You don't have to worry about writing a good plot, or about how things don't make sense. It's just random as hell!**

 **Before I start this, I'd just like to say this fic was inspired by 'Matsodon'sWorstNightmare' and his fic 'Why Yu Is Never Going Back To Inaba'. Great guy, great humor, and some great lines too!**

 **Yu's POV**

"It's nice that we can all go out like this!" Yosuke yells as we all ride our scooters towards the beach, this time with a nervous Naoto. (Just so you know, this and every other chapter, unless explicitly stated, takes place after the True Ending. Let's just say Yu came back for a while for no real reason, okay?)

"Yeah, I can't wait to score with all the hot babes!" Teddie cheers on his own scooter. Kanji decided to...'borrow' a scooter from some bully, and he gave it to Teddie whenever we all go somewhere. He's not allowed to ride on it by himself for obvious reasons...

"Hey Yu, you gotta tell me, which one of the girls are you most excited to see?" Yosuke whispers.

"Naoto."

"Really? I always thought you had a thing for Rise?"

"I do. And for Chie. And for Yukiko. And for Naoto. And just about other girl at school not counting Hanako."

"Huh. Guess you don't really have a preference for anything, do you? I mean, between Chie's flatness and Naoto's double-"

"What're you two whispering about over there?" Chie looks at us suspiciously.

"U-Uh...hey look, it's the beach! Race ya there!" Both of us take off towards the beach faster than I thought a scooter could go.

* * *

At the beach...

"You mind not talking about the size of anyone's chest while their right next to us?" I quietly scold Yosuke.

"Sorry, about that, I couldn't help myself. But hey, the girls are off changing right now. So, you really don't have any preference about women?"

"No, but what I do know is that if you keep asking, I'll tell Teddie to give your 'preference' away to the girls. I don't want to have to hear Chie scold you for that boner you got when you fought her Shado-"

"O-Okay, I'll stop asking! Besides, that was a one time thing!"

"Then what about the magazines Teddie told me you have? What really didn't help your case was the whips and the gags..."

"Stop talking about it! Here comes Kanji and Teddie." That reminds me...please tell me Kanji brought something that actually covers up his ass...

"Yo." Kanji says calmly. Oh thank all that is mighty he's wearing swimming trunks...

"Nothing, we were just talking about weapons. Isn't that right Yosuke?"

"Oh? Like the whips and the gags in your magazine Yosu-"

"Finish that sentence, and I'll make a rug out of your fur." Teddie got quiet after that.

"Oh boys! Look who've we got right here!" Rise voice catches our attention, and quite possibly just saved Teddie.

"W-Woah..." Kanji gets a nosebleed soon after he says that. To be fair, I'm on the brink of bleeding at this...this magnificent, grand sight before us...

Naoto...in a bikini...

"C-Can I go back and change, please?" She timidly asks, embarrassment over her in waves.

"Not until we get ready to go!" Rise happily says. Wait a minute...don't I have my phone on me? Checking my pockets...yep. I nudge Yosuke slightly. He looks over at my phone and nods.

"Before this day ends, I swear, we shall get the ultimate picture: A pic...of Naoto's tits." I say with vigor.

"Hell yeah." Luckily, the girls don't hear our plan. This...is going to be...the best...day...EVER!

"But what can we do? If just go up and ask 'oh hey Naoto, can you flash those giant melons at us for a couple of minutes?', I'm sure we'll be walking out of here with broken bones!"

"Good point. Luckily, I've made a few...arrangements with the staff here."

"Arrangements?"

"Yep. Volleyball, someone 'accidentally' grabbing her bra, running into her by 'accident'. I've got 'em all Yosuke."

"How'd you manage to do that?"

* * *

One month ago...

Good thing Dojima covered for me so I could come here alone. He told my friends I was studying late and caught a small fever. Luckily, they bought it and didn't notice me coming out here to speak to the person who runs Shichiri Beach. You see, my plan needs the full cooperation of the staff here, and to do that, well...lets just say I'm lucky the owner is female...

I open the door to the building on the road, the place that funds this beach and supervises it. Inside is a decently lit room with a single attendant writing something on paper.

"Um, excuse me, I'm looking for . Is she here?" Please tell me this is her. Short, brown hair, tits as big as Naoto, ass of a watermelon, the figure of Rise and the legs of Chie, she looks just about my age...I think I'm going to enjoy this.

"Y-Yes, I'm , the owner of Shichiri Beach. How may I help you?" Sweet!

"I was looking for a job and I saw you guys needed a janitor. Can I still apply?" Her face brightens.

"Yes, you can start right now actually. Right now, I'm the only one working here, so it'd be nice to have someone else here with me." Analysis complete. Looks like I've got a shy one here...alright, I've done it with Ayane, I can definitely do it with this one!

"Really? I'd imagine a cute girl like yourself would attract more workers."

"O-Oh...I-I don't really think I look that good." Yep. I've dealt with enough low-self esteem issues to know where this is going...

* * *

20 Days Later...

"Minako, I have a question I hope you would answer for me." I look at Minako Yamanka, ready to put my plan into action.

"S-Sure. What is it Yu?" I whisper in her ear, and she just stares at me.

"Yu-kun..."

"What?"

About 50 minutes later, on top of a desk in front of a window...

"YES, DON'T STOP, DON'T STOP!' Minako shouts as she constantly licks the window and grips the table in uncontrollable pleasure. W-Why is it always the shy ones that are the most sex-crazed?!

"I-I think I'm about to-"

"GO AHEAD, DO IT INSIDE! MAKE ME YOUR LITTLE BITCH! PUT THAT BIG, LONG AND HARD COCK TO USE!" Okay...think I might be coming back here even after my plan is done...

* * *

"Well Yosuke, let's just say I paid off the owner in big, thick wads of cash."

"Um...okay...well, what're we gonna do first?"

"Easy, I got the owner to set up some traps in the water that I can activate with a push of this button." I take out a small remote control from my pocket.

"Hey Naoto, why don't we go in the water?" Chie says while pulling on her arm.

"B-But what if it comes loose?"

"Trust me, it won't! Now come on already!" Oh trust me, it will come off this day if my name isn't Yu 'Big Dick' Narukami! (added it after I turned 18...thank god none of the girls, especially Chie and Yukiko found out, they would kill me!)

"Hey, their in the water, so now what?"

"First off Yosuke, get out your phone. Second, I push this button. Third, we each go off to our separate bathrooms with our pics of Naoto." As we get out our phones, I push the button once Naoto gets in the right place.

"Question, what does the owner get out of all this anyway?"

"What do they get? Well..."

Minako's POV

The thought of that incredibly hot girl in a threesome with us...that thought makes my mouth water...

Shaking my thoughts, I set myself a few ways from the girls underwater and set my eyes on the Naoto girl. All I have to do is take off that bra...but I wanna do a lot more than that! Yu-kun, I hope you set that phone on record...

Putting on my 'mask' (Apparently, June's decided to sell Teddie masks to people...their doing surprisingly well!) I swim just below the girl. Thank god I can hold my breath for so long, I've been practicing with water while I pretended it was cu-no, I'm getting distracted! Just need to focus, focus on letting those melons free!

And feeling those huge, soft, bouncy...I can't tell if it's the water making me wet or something else!

I carefully and lightly grasp the fabric of her bra and start to undo the clasp.

Yu's POV

"Hey Naoto, me and Yukiko are going to go get some sodas. Do you want anything?" Chie asks.

"N-No, I'm fine." Damn straight she's fine...great, now I'm starting to think like a stalker.

"Hey, just what are you two doing sitting in chairs at a time like this?" Chie asks suspiciously.

"We just wanted to soak in the sun for a while Chie." I say in a calm tone.

"Alright, but if I see you two doing anything dirty..."

"We just want to relax! Sheesh..." Yosuke sighs. The two go up away from the beach and over to the vending machine, far enough from where they don't see us with our phones.

"Hey Yosuke, you may want to get your phone out in about five seconds." I get out my phone and double check to see if Naoto is paying any attention to u...oh...oh sweet baby Jesus!

Minako's POV

"Hahahaha!" I start going crazy from what I'm doing. As I unclasped the bra, I found myself getting a sniff of the girl. After that, I let the bra float up and started fondling her, much to the girls surprise.

"W-What the?!" She yells in shock and embarrassment. She desparetly tries to shake me off, to no avail. No way in hell I'm letting go of these anytime soon! I pinch her nipples and she moans a little in response.

Yu's POV

Alright...been about a minute of recording this on my phone...and now it's time! Taking out a small nail, I make a hole in my pocket that's big enough for my phone to record through. I put my phone on my pocket, and press the button on the remote to let Minako know it's time to initiate Phase 2. By that, I mean a small shock collar. Trust me, she insisted. She also insisted that I could just press this button whenever I felt like it...I'm SO coming back here tomorrow. Or later today.

"What's wrong Naoto?" I mask my voice to make it seem like I have no idea what's going on.

"I-I don't know! I-I lost my..." After Minako backs off, Naoto still seems bewildered, but seems to have calmed down a little.

"Your bra? Here you go." I get her bra out from the water and hand it to her.

"I-I don't think I can put it on out here."

"I'll go get my shirt then. You can wear it until you find somewhere to change."

"T-Thank you. I appreciate this...S-Senpai." It's funny, looks like she thinks I didn't notice the groping.

"What?! You can't just leave me hanging! Hey! I know you hear me!" Yosuke shouts as me and Naoto walk over to a safe spot, her in my shirt. Which looks hot as hell considering it's too big for her. Speaking of which, I hope this isn't too big for her...

Three minutes later...

"Y-Yu-kun." Naoto timidly says while my face away as she changes.

"Yeah Naoto?"

"You can turn around now." What did I do? I turned around. And what did I see? Minako, touching and feeling all over Naoto's body.

"H-Huh?" That's about all I could get out of my mouth at this sight.

"She told me about your plan when I passed by here once. Instead of just confronting you about this, I decided to go along with it. And...I've decided that...I want my first to be a threesome...would you...?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"S-Senpai?"

"Get on your knees."

About 40 minutes later...

"Where do you think Yu-senpai and Naoto-kun went off to? You don't think they...?" Chie says awkwardly.

"Nah, Yu-senpai is too nice for that and Naoto-kun is too shy." Yukiko says.

"I bet Sensei is busting out all the moves on her. Go get 'em Sensei!" Teddie yells.

"Think you can go find him Yosuke? Hey...are you okay? You look pissed."

"...Huh? Y-Yeah, I'm fine. I'll go look for them." Yosuke walks off, actually heading to the bathroom to release some 'pent up aggression.'

Back to Yu...

"Whoa...whew...that...that was intense." I say while wiping off some sweat. I pick up

my phone and check how long it's been recording. Wow...48 minutes...

Before I put my clothes on, I take in the sight before me. Minako...and Naoto...drenched and filled...with big, thick...wads of...cash. Yep. That's what I'm calling it. Personally, I think squeezing between two people with DDs each was...a lot more better than I imagined. But finally, I've conquered my prizes...and what is this day? I'll tell you. It's the be-

"W-WHAT THE HELL?!" O-Oh crap...that was Rise...

Slowly turning my head, I'm met with all three of the girls. Rise and Chie looking pissed off as hell, and Yukiko just turning her head away.

"U-Uh girls, I can explain!" I can hear Yosuke snickering from somewhere...damn it Yosuke!

"Explain?! Explain why you didn't invite the three of us!" Rise exclaims. Wait...what?

"We want some too!" She yells, loud enough for Yosuke to hear.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I hear Yosuke scream from wherever he is.

"Oh...well, I guess this can be a fourso-" Suddenly, I feel two heads bobbing their heads up and down on me.

"Okay...I guess it's just a huge orgy now huh?"

"Yeah, it's a good thing someone like Yosuke isn't here to ruin it!"

"WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" Am I the only one that hears him or are they just ignoring him?

One Hour Later...

"It was nice playing Volleyball with those girls, wasn't it Kanji?" Teddie says happily.

"Yeah, I had fun. By the way Senpai, what were you doing that whole time? I didn't even see you half the trip!"

"Giving people big, thick wads of cash Kanji. Big, thick wads of cash." I look over at Yosuke and I can tell he's giving me a death stare without even having to look at me. Think he's pissed that he didn't get none...

I look over at Naoto and she blushes. Reaching into my pocket, I notice that I 'forgot' to put on this condom...whatever. While making sure no one notices, I toss it aside, not caring who picks it up and decides to use it because their too poor to buy one. Oh, and one last thing...

"I AM THE FUCKING KING OF FUCKING HOT CHICKS!" The scooter accelerates, and with it, I ride off into the sunset...

 **How was that? Funny? Not funny? Somewhere in between? Too long? Were** **those last two not funny jokes? Yes. Yes they were. Alright, let me know if there's anything you guys wanna see on here, I do take requests!**


	2. Chapter 2

**This chapter will be about how the Team find one of Yosuke's...magazines. Will Yosuke's survive this beating? Will there be anymore sex? Find out in...however fast you can read!**

Junes, Special HQ

Yu's POV

"It's too bad Yosuke's couldn't make it. I heard he got sick." Chie says with fake disappointmentD.

"Yeah, he was looking forward to going into the TV today." Kanji says. Though we've already returned the TV World to it's original state, we just wanted to go in for a little R&R.

"Speaking of which, where's Teddie?" Rise asks.

"Over there." I point over to where Teddie is giving out free gallons to kids. And of course, they have his face on them...

"Hey...should we even go without Yosuke-senpai? If we all aren't there, it just feels...weird." Kanji takes a bite out of the chicken he orders after saying that.

"Well...it would feel a little weird if we all weren't there...how about we all go when Yosuke gets better?" I suggest. They all nod in agreement.

"Hey Sensei!" Teddie rushes over here.

"I'm all ready! I can't wait to say 'hello' to my stunning new neighbor!" I facepalm in slight embarrassment.

"Didn't you hear Ted? Yosuke-senpai got sick so we aren't going until he feels better." Teddie looks confused.

"Sick? What are you talking about? He just left the house this morning." What?

"This morning? Are you sure about this Teddie?" Naoto asks.

"Yep! I'm 'beary' positive he left this morning! I know where he is too! Follow me!" Teddie does his usual waddle out of Junes.

"Should we go?" Chie scarfs down the rest of her beef and spits some food on my face while she talks. I pick it off and put it in my pocket for...safekeeping. Never know when you'll need something like this.

"Sure, we don't got anything better to do." We all nod in agreement at Kanji's words.

* * *

Okina City...

"Teddie, are you sure he's here? Why would he be in Okina?" Unless...

"Over there, in that store!" Teddie points over to one of the new stores here.

"Um...Teddie...are you sure that...this is the place?" Chie asks awkwardly. This...this is...

"It's a porn shop. From magazines to home videos." Kanji says non-chalantly.

"Should we...go inside?" Rise hesitantly asks.

"I'll go in." Kanji walks into the store soon after saying this.

5 Minutes Later...

"It's been 5 minutes. What's taking him so lon-" Before Chie could finish her sentence, Kanji comes out of the store rushing past us.

"K-Kanji? What happened?" I ask in concern.

"N-Nothing! Just need to...ah shit!" Kanji runs over to a potted plant and throws up in it, scaring a few kids in the area.

"Oh, that's disgusting!" The girls cover their mouths and noses while me and Teddie just stand there confused.

"Move aside! I'll show you how to be a real man!" Teddie runs in the store.

One Minute Later...

"My eyes! My beautiful eyes!" Teddie runs over to the same plant Kanji threw up in, and does the same.

"...so who's going next?" Naoto asks awkwardly.

"I'll go! I've had enough of this! I'm gonna tear that 'store' to the ground and drag Yosuke out if it's the last thing I do!" Chie stomps into the shop while me, Naoto, Yukiko and Rise follow.

Two minutes of avoiding a bunch of pervs trying to grab the girls butt later...

"Look, there he is!" Rise points out Yosuke in the crowd of pervs.

"Finally! Hey Yosuke, get your ass over here!" Chie shouts at him, making Yosuke drop the magazine he was taking in the bathroom.

"W-Woah! W-What a coincidence running into you guys here! If you don't mind me, I'll just be taking this..." Yosuke reaches for the mag when Chie stomps on his hand.

"Ow! What the hell was that for?!" Chie picks up the mag without answering Yosuke. Wow, she looks pissed...

"Yosuke. I'm gonna give you five seconds to explain...THIS, before I shove my foot up your ass. Go ahead, I've got all the time in the world."

"W-Wait a minute!"

"Five."

"It's a mis-understanding!"

"Four."

"I can explain, it's for my...collection!"

"Two."

"Why'd you skip a number?!"

"1."

"If there is a God somewhere out there, please save m-"

Twenty-nine kicks to the ass, fifty-five to the face and eighty-six kicks to the dick later...

"Chie...what exactly was on those pictures?" In case you guys didn't know, I'm saying this while carrying Yosuke on the back of my scooter. I forgot that Chie hrew him so hard into the scooter that it's wheels broke off.

"Nothing important."

Chie's POV

 _"No one will ever know that these weird pictures have photoshopped pictures of ,e on them...that one with the gag and the whip...burn it. The one with the dog and the bird...burn it. The one with the nurse...burn it. The one with me and him..."_ I clutch that photo in my pocket.

 _"Keep it."_

 **It's done! So, how was that for a little quickie? Also, can I get a thumbs up for...the hell do you call it? Chike? Yoie? Whatever you call it at the end, can I get a thumbs up for that?**


	3. Chapter 3

**Alright, this story takes place during the ski trip! Hope you enjoy!**

In the middle of a blizzard as the sun starts to set, Yu and Naoto are trying to find their way back to their friends.

"S-Senpai? You DO know where we're going, right?" Naoto asked as she shivered and walked at the same time.

"Not really." Naoto glared at Yu before sighing.

"Do you see anything we can use for shelter?" Yu asked.

"Um...oh, over there!" Naoto points in front of us where I can just barely see a cabin. The two rush over to the cabin and close the door behind them as they go in.

"At least it's warmer than outside." Yu said as he checked his phone for reception. Nope. Looking around, he noticed there was a small fireplace in the cabin.

"Yes, yes it is. Anything we could use to build a fire...?" Both of them looked around the small cabin hoping to find materials they could use and made a small fire. Luckily, they did in the next 10 minutes.

Yu's POV

"Prometheus, thank you for fire!" Naoto exclaimed as she got a little closer to the fire. Ha, nerd. Not that I'll ever say that to her face.

"So, how long should we stay here?" I ask the still semi-cold Naoto.

"I'd say we should be able to leave when morning comes. Maybe a little later." After that, an awkward silence filled the room. Sighing a little, Naoto gets a little closer to me while looking away.

"N-Not that this'll help, but I figure we should get more body heat the c-closer we are." Wow. She has it bad. Hmm...actually, this is pretty nice. I mean, we're here, in a cabin...just the two of us...no one to interrupt...

"W-Well, I think I have some leftover candy I bought for Teddie. What do you want to eat?" She pulls a bag of candy out of her pocket and looks up at me. Wow, she's really short...

Well, guess it's time to set the plan in motion.

"I want to eat..." Being in a moment of contemplation, I look at her while smiling. Let's see what this gets out of her...

"I want to eat Naoto." Naoto sits there for about 30 seconds, slowly taking in what I just said.

"...What?"

"I figured you'd be the best tasting one. High in vitamins and the most nutritional one."

"...What?"

"I said-"

"What?"

"What're you talking about? I just said I wanted to eat Naoto." Naoto turned a deep shade of red.

"W-Why would you say something like that nowhere out of the blue?!"

"Well, you asked me. So, can I try you?" After a few minutes of silence, Naoto goes over to the corner.

"J-Just...just come on..." Naoto says embarrassingly. She sits down in the corner and crosses her arms while her legs visibly tense.

Outside the cabin, Yosuke's POV

"Where are they?" Yosuke yawned as he looked for his two friends. Someone said they saw the two go off the ski track...

The blizzard was fake, being made from various lights here at the resort. Why they made it look like a blizzard, he'd never know.

"Huh? Is that a cabin? Maybe their over there?" Yosuke walks up to the cabin and gets ready to open it when he hears a voice.

"H-Ha! S-Senpai, don't!" What the? That sounded like Naoto...wait, were they...? Yosuke moves around and looks in one of the windows, being careful not to get spotted. He saw Yu sucking on...well, some really, REALLY big melons...

"Holy shit...this is just like that one scene in my nurse magazine..." Yosuke whispered to himself. Hm...you know, this could be the chance for revenge for the beach trip...

But could he really cockblock his best friend like that?

"Yes. Yes I could." Yosuke ran back to the ski lodge to get some supplies. He'd need them for this...

"Y-Yu-kun, you really like b-big ones, don't you?" Naoto stuttered.

"Of course I do. Still, these things are huge...how much milk do you drink? It must all go to your boobs and not your heigh-" Yu was immediately kicked in the dick for making that comment. Still, considering that this was Yu Narukami, it didn't hurt that much. Then again, it was a kick to the balls, so...

"FFFFFF-" Yu hissed and held his crotch. Naoto shook her head and apologized furiously.

"N-Naoto, ya know, if you were really sorry, you know what you could do?" Yu slightly grinned. Hmph, Yosuke acting like he was sneaky...

* * *

Yosuke came back to the cabin with his phone and a ladder. He put the ladder up against the cabin and climbed it, making sure to be quiet across the roof. He searched up a really, REALLY loud yeti roar online and decided to play it at max volume. Thankfully, he had some earbuds to block out the noise...

He put the phone in through a small hole he found and pressed play. He waited for the two to run out of the cabin screaming. Nothing.

"H-Huh? Where'd they go" Before Yosuke could look around, he was struck in the back of the head with a snowball. He fell off the roof and landed face first in the snow. His muffled cries could be translated into: "Hey. what the hell?!" He heard a loud, flash, something like a phone camera, some giggling and footsteps running away. Damn you Yu!

* * *

Yu and Naoto ran some more, before finally getting back to the ski lodge. Yu wiped some sweat off of his brow and smiled at Naoto.

"Looks like we dodged a bullet there, eh Naoto?" Naoto sighed, then nodded.

"So... Since the others don't seem to be here... Round 2?" From afar, Yosuke could be heard saying something like, "WHY DOES NOTHING GOOD EVER HAPPEN TO ME?!", Teddie was like, "I think Yosuke just lost some of his manhood for some reason...", Kanji felt a disturbance in the force, and Chie and Yukiko were... Sorting out their friendship tensions... Alone.

For no reason whatsoever, everything goes black and Teddie shows up out of nowhere and waves to the screen.

"Ooh, looks like Sensei is putting the 'Sense' in Sensei! Get it? Cause I think Sensei is getting it real well and swell! Hey, why not have Yuki-chan and Chie-chan have one next?" Then, with all of my awesomeness, i show up out of nowhere, bathed in a golden light.

"Yes Teddie... They shall... For the yuri... For the fans... And... For me."

* * *

 **And that's it folks. Afer a Yukiko and Chie one, i think I'll do a 'Teddete in the hood'!  
**


End file.
